Very cool! Flow was really good in parts. some sections got a little sloppy, like you kinda weren't sure how to fit it onto the beat. That can be avoided by just taking your time and making sure a line flows before moving on to writing the next.
Vocab was great and I really liked the alliteration (ruddy routers ruts ran run, etc) It's a much too overlooked aspect of poetry in hip hop.
I think this was a great effort, and I hope you do more. You're weren't far off from this verse being perfect, and if you work at it and take some extra time you can dial it down like you do your beats.
Looking forward to the next one, and now I'm interested in a rap collab!